:: 7x70 ::

was teaching (1st-2nd graders) about forgiveness. 'cause, you know, i'm an expert on the subject and all.  (har.)

i'm always very open with my students when i don't know something or when we're talking about something that i struggle with.  i don't want them to get the idea that i (think i) am a Biblical scholar and/or have it all together.  last night i shared examples of ways and times i've struggled to forgive.  it's neat to see them start to open up, become more vulnerable and humble with their own faults and conflicts, when they see me doing it.  very much like some "big kids" i've known.

we read the story of the unforgiving servant.  we talked about forgiveness being a choice.  how resentment and grudges are like stones in our hearts (complete with a pebbles and plastic cup demonstration), just weighing us down and keeping us from being close to God and loving others as we should.  what was so touching was the questions.  i constantly pause and ask "does that make sense?" or "do you understand what that means?"  sometimes i get blank stares and nods, but last night, they were really present.  they said "yes" and nodded quite a bit, but a few times, someone would speak up and say, "well i don't understand how/why..."  amazing fuel for real dialogue and conversation.  they were very concerned with the fact that while the king forgave the servant's debt at first, after the servant was unmerciful, the king threw the servant in prison.  "he should have forgiven him again!"  apparently the 7x70 portion of the program had really sunk in. had a conversation about parables as illustrations.

and, as always, ben came through with a (n unintentionally) funny take-home for the evening:  when telling the story of the king collecting debts owed, i asked, "do you know what 'debt' is?"  he replied, "like barack obama...?"

"to be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you."  cs lewis

:: come on ::

earlier today i was talking to a friend about a friend.  i won't say his name, because if i do, i have to say his first and last name (we don't know why you do, but you do), and i don't want to embarrass him.  he's a confident guy, but bursting with humility.  he also shoots a sick 3 pointer.

and he has inspired me.  not because he traveled to 11 countries in 11 months, serving others and spreading the Gospel.  and not because he then returned to one of those countries and works tirelessly there to serve, love, and disciple the youth in his community.  i greatly admire and respect and love him for those things.

but he inspires me because he says things like "God will heal me" when he's really, seriously sick.  or "as soon as i get back to Kenya, God is going to send someone who likes that stuff" when talking about the budgeting and business-y stuff that takes up so much of his time, brainpower, and heart when he could be serving in other ways.

he doesn't say, "i hope that..." or "i think that God might..." or "i know God is able, but..."  it's not the slightly-dubious-yet-hopeful, maybe-one-day kind of "faith" i tend to have.  it's FAITH.  like, it's going to happen.  period.  God says and does and is.  end.of.story.

it's so inspiring.  i want to be like that.  all the time.

i won't say his name, but here's a link to his blog. highly recommend checking it out.
www.mattpatch.com

then head over to the 61project facebook page for updates on how God is moving in Kenya.  www.facebook.com/61project

end of story.

:: home sweet home ::

5 years ago this month i started the process of buying my little yellow house.  back then, i would drive around, looking at houses for sale (who am i kidding, i still do that!), but this was the first and only house i'd looked inside and really considered purchasing.  i was in the midst of the hardest and most rewarding period of my life.  mom was on the heels of her chemo and radiation treatments and i was spending most of my "free" time taking care of stuff at maunga & poppy's house.  on top of that, we had just discovered that one of the caregivers had been stealing from them (check fraud!) and i was working with the detective on that stressful situation.  i was in no place mentally and emotionally to buy a house.

but it happened.  despite the emotional breakdowns with my mortgage broker (who i didn't even know), my realtor, my realtor's sister, my banker...and pretty much anyone else who crossed my path in that time...it happened.

God absolutely and undoubtedly blessed me in that mess.

in the 5 years i've lived here, i've had 7 short-term roommates.  it moves me deeply to be able to provide a place to stay for someone - whether it's between homes before getting married, while visiting from another country, home-hopping while trying to figure out what comes next in life...the reasons have been as varied as the durations.

this week i've welcomed the 8th.

and the blessings continue.

:: for my eyes only... ::

...and yours if you need it. 


this started out as a status update on facebook, but i decided to give it more permanence here...for me.  because i'll probably need this reminder sometime.  sometimes these things are for me, and sometimes they are for you.  but mostly they are for me.  and sometimes you.


this has been a rough week for me - physically and emotionally.  a broken toe, a sore mouth, a crappy situation with a friend, work stress...

but the hardest part, emotionally, has been struggling with the fact that my life is pretty stinking awesome and i feel bad ever feeling bad about the little things that go wrong.

so i canceled the pity party and took initiative to right the things i could right and give up trying to control things i have no control over.

it's amazing how quickly your attitude can adjust when you focus your heart in the right place.



oh, and also.  i am immensely grateful for the people who have been there for me through the crud this week.  the tough love, the gentle love, the True love.  thank you for not coming to the party.  :-)

:: brilliant music, brilliant art ::

josh garrels, easily one of my favorite singer-songwriters and performers (ever), recently unveiled the pieces of the dvd box set for his documentary The Sea In Between, filmed on mayne island, BC.  i cannot wait to get my hands on this.  check out the view finder dvd art...brilliant! 

 

images, box set art & packaging by stereotonic
click images to link directly to box set photo album

:: stage fright and baby food ::

i hadn't wanted to move up to camp grace with my kiddos for only one reason:  stage fright.

i'd heard the teacher sometimes had to take part in the skits in big group and i really didn't want to have to do that.  i would get anxious just thinking about it.  i'd imagine having to stand in front of a room full of kids and a handful of adults and speak.  or "act."  or, Heaven forbid, sing.  i dreaded every image that came to mind.  but i love those kids to death (i'd been teaching since they were 2-3 years old) and i knew how absolutely selfish and unreasonable my worries were, so i  moved on up with my class.  (i figured i could always un-promote myself if it was just too, too much to bear.)

last night was my first night in the bear den.  we were in big group.  they told the kids to nominate one of their teachers to come up to the front to do...something.  my heart dropped.  "on the first night?  really?  ugh."

i am the only teacher in bear den, so (despite me trying in fake-jest (you know, pointing to the other person like you're kidding, but really, you're not) to get them to nominate the sweet lady who was jumping in, instead of me) it was unanimous; they chose me.

i went to the front of the room to play "musical spoons" - a musical chairs sort of game, but instead of moving from chair to chair, you pass a spoon around.  if the music stops while you're holding the spoon, you reach into a bag, pull out some food, and have to eat a spoonful of whatever you grabbed.  the first lady stuck with the spoon blindly chose a jar of turkey baby food.  she took the tiniest nibble and sat back down with her class.  a rule was made that the next time, someone else would serve the food, to make sure it was a healthy sized bite.

guess who was next.

as i was reaching in the bag, i said, "i hope there are some vegetarian options in there," (wondering, "do they make beef baby food?  it's going to be really awkward when i pull out some type of pureed beef and have to refuse to eat it.  oh, no, i hope it's not sweet potatoes."). i pulled out a jar of applesauce (whew!)  baby food and gladly ate my gigantic bite.

and learned that applesauce baby food is not the same thing as just good ol' apple sauce.

still, it wasn't too bad.

“In my distress I called to the Lord,
    and he answered me.
From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help,
    and you listened to my cry.
You hurled me into the depths,
    into the very heart of the seas,
    and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers
    swept over me.
I said, ‘I have been banished
    from your sight;
yet I will look again
    toward your holy temple.’
The engulfing waters threatened me,
    the deep surrounded me;
    seaweed was wrapped around my head.
To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
    the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But you, Lord my God,
    brought my life up from the pit.

“When my life was ebbing away,
    I remembered you, Lord,
and my prayer rose to you,
    to your holy temple.

“Those who cling to worthless idols
    turn away from God’s love for them.
But I, with shouts of grateful praise,
    will sacrifice to you.
What I have vowed I will make good.
    I will say, ‘Salvation comes from the Lord.’”
jonah 2: 1-9

:: wash your spirit clean ::

keep close to nature's heart...and break clear away, once in awhile, and climb a mountain or spend a week in the woods. wash your spirit clean. [john muir]

:: happy anniversary ::

11 years ago i graduated from college and started working full-time at mountain entertainment. i'd been working toward my career for four years before that - talent buying, stage managing, promoting artists and shows.

...back when "cutting and pasting" really meant "cutting and taping" (and xeroxing) to make event calendars. which i distributed via CPO boxes.

...back when band newsletters were postcards that came via snail mail. there were no eBlasts.

...back when radio would play (even break!) local & regional bands. and i was one station's Gig Gal.

i had heard scary things about the music business - about backstabbing and underhandedness. but i didn't see those things. or chose not to focus on them, perhaps. instead, i saw people taking me under their wings. sharing experiences, advice, wisdom. giving me opportunities. i was like the little sister of the industry and through all the ups and downs, it's been a true blessing to grow up in this crazy, dysfunctional, yet wonderfully passionate family.

it hasn't always been an easy road (not even close, at times!) but it's certainly been a blessed one. immensely grateful for the relationships, art, experiences and lessons God has given me throughout this career.

:: a children's story ::

a few years ago, i answered a call to teach in Children's Ministry on saturday nights.  i was placed in the Clown Fish class (2-3 year olds).  there were nights of utter chaos.  nights of being late to Big Group because of dirty diapers and potty training.  nights of a teacher learning about balance.  learning patience.  there were nights when i left feeling like i was nothing more than a babysitter with a well-thought-out lesson plan.  nights i questioned whether anything i read, anything i said, any craft i glued/stapled/stickered was sinking in. 

i doubted, I questioned, i worried. 

but i loved, laughed, danced, sang, and hugged, too.  a lot. 

so at the end of the year, i asked to be promoted with that crazy crew.  we moved on to Sea Turtles.  and then on to Kiwis. 

at times it felt those years were much of the same – only we were all just a year or two older and wiser.  but there was much, much more going on:  i watched the kids learn to write their names, to use scissors and the stapler, to peel and stick their own stickers.  (oh, the joy!)  i watched them come to know one another by name and to learn my name.  i found myself partnering with their parents in various areas.  community was forming right before our eyes. 

and now we are Blue Jays. 

now they can write more than just their names.  they can read.  they enthusiastically volunteer to read or recite the memory verse each week.   and they actually remember the passages now.  they ask questions.  they want to understand and want know more.  i am seeing them wrestle with and come to love the Word of God. 

admittedly, sometimes we're still late to Big Group, but not because of dirty diapers or potty training, like the old days.  now it's because the students themselves are reading the Bible story (which takes a little bit longer than when I do.)  or because we are wrapped up in a prayer circle, thanking God for the blessings in our lives or confessing our sins.  Children talking to God.  a good reason to be late.     

this past November, we were teaching a unit about the prophets.  one Saturday night, my group of five and six year olds were listening to me tell the story of Isaiah.  they heard me read,  

Then God said from heaven, “Who will take a message to the people?” And Isaiah, who had seen that God was the greatest Holy King said, “Here I am. Send me." It’s like he raised his hand and said, “God, please pick me.” [Isaiah 6:8]

i stopped speaking.  i silently re-read those words.  i've seen them many times before, but this time, there was a weight to them i'd never felt before. 

we've all been asked the same question.  we've all been called to take a message to the people.  and those of us in Grace’s Children’s Ministry have all raised our hands and said, "here i am.  send me." and have committed to taking The Message to the youngest of His people. 

and we can rest assured that it is, indeed, sinking in.

:: my heart is beeping...still ::

i just had a major cry fest (of the good kind) over the response and attention to kony 2012. it's amazing. it's encouraging.

i remember a day many, many years ago when i was watching oprah and saw these three young guys sitting on her sofa, talking about a trip they'd taken to sudan. which led them to uganda. which led them to creating a movie about the war in northern uganda that this american girl knew nothing about. i was moved.

i ordered invisible children: rough cut and watched it and cried. like i'd never cried before. (or since, most likely.) i had no idea what change was about to happen in my life. what a long and amazing journey was starting. what beautiful and passionate people i was going to meet along the way.

oddly, i'd had a heart for africa for as long as i could remember. but it never made sense. how can someone have a heart for a continent? what does that even mean? what does that look like? what does one do with that? jason, bobby, laren and the rough cut made it make sense. finally, it made sense. i knew what i wanted to do. i knew what i needed to do. i knew the reason for the desire that God had placed on my heart many years before.

i watched jolly lead jason, laren and bobby to the bus park full of thousands of children in fear of being abducted in the middle of the night. i saw her passion, in that very first meeting, for ther community. an almost desperation in her desire for their story to be seen and heard and told.

i heard boni talking about his best friend, ojok, who had been kidnapped by the LRA and forced to fight in the war. boni didn't know if his friend was dead or alive. boni couldn't even cry for his best friend any more but his "heart was beeping." mine, too.

and then there was jacob. sweet, strong, tenacious jacob. he'd escaped from the LRA and they were looking for him. he spoke of his brother who had been killed. he cried, even though the LRA had conditioned them to never cry. cry and be killed. children. children killing and being killed.

heartbreaking.

i was moved and then i moved.

there was the global night commute.
and displace me.
and the rescue.

and then there came the obama administration's announcement to send advisors to central africa.

and we rejoiced.

and now, kony 2012. over 58 million views on youtube alone. astonishing. i think of all the links and videos that have been posted over the years. all the emails and letters sent. the phone calls to congressmen made. (the form letters received in response.) all the pleas for people to read, watch, listen. to see, hear, respond. and it's happened. little by little, it's happened. but now? now the response is huge. it's universal. it's happening. i am overwhelmed with hope and faith that it's happening. i pray that the end is near. that these children who are now adults will finally see justice for their tormenters. that these children who are still children will know peace before they're adults. that the beautiful, loving, vibrant, tortured Children of God in central africa will know peace.



peace.

:: kony2012 info and actions ::

i'm so excited about the response to the kony2012 video over the past few days. the number of views, likes, shares and comments on facebook alone has been great and i can only hope and assume that the off-line conversations and awareness are growing, too.

is it important to know that your efforts - from the smallest to the largest - do and will make a difference.

if you're new to the Invisible Children world and would like more information on what the organization does and plans to do, please visit www.invisiblechildren.com and/or take a look at the following links for much more information.

Hear from those directly affected by the LRA:
http://www.hrw.org/en/node/94226
IC response to critiques of financials & efforts:
http://s3.amazonaws.com/www.invisiblechildren.com/critiques.html
IC / Resolve / Enough Project policy manifesto & letter to President Obama:
http://www.theresolve.org/blog/archives/3071032348
IC's Jason Russell interview:
http://www.enoughproject.org/blogs/invisible-childrens-jason-russell-kony-2012

What next? Call on Washington:
http://www.theresolve.org/blog/archives/3071032361
What next? Donate to IC:
https://www.stayclassy.org/checkout/donation?eid=14711
What next? Or donate to Resolve:
https://salsa.democracyinaction.org/o/2241/t/11194/shop/custom.jsp?donate_page_KEY=6602
What next? Purchase an Action Kit and get involved on April 20: http://invisiblechildrenstore.myshopify.com/

And, of course, continue to share the video and spread the word:

KONY 2012 from INVISIBLE CHILDREN on Vimeo.

:: love ::

one of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “of all the commandments, which is the most important?”

“the most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘hear, o Israel: the Lord our God, the Lord is one. love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ ³¹ the second is this: ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’ there is no commandment greater than these.”

mark 12:28-29

:: random thoughts ::

- i wonder if the aol man ever gets tired of saying "welcome, you've got mail." i always have mail. it's a given.

- it really bothers me that we call a bathroom meant for both genders "unisex" because to me, that sounds like it's only for one sex. bi-sex or omni-sex bathrooms would be much more fitting. (and when i say that it "really bothers me" i mean for years. to the point where i have sounded like i don't know what they're called because i will try to avoid calling them that in conversation. it really, really bugs me. and this is the week i've chosen to admit it.)

- earlier this week a girl told me i look like someone who would be on the bachelor. i'm still processing that.

- i get upset when i see/hear people saying that obama is a muslim who claims to be a christian. i hate to think how i would feel if people hatefully, repeatedly and ignorantly doubted my profession of belief in Christ.

:: most days he forgets ::

last week at church the teacher said of a man he knows, "he was made in the image of God, but most days he forgets that."

it made me think of a guy i met a few months back. by society's standards, he is not a particularly good person. he is dark. deceptive. irresponsible. a liar. an addict. a thief. he has little to no regard or respect for his children, authority or his peers.

it can be overwhelming to think about the desperation, sadness and darkness he possesses and the bad things he does.

but he is a child of God, made in His image. God loves him and has great plans for him.

no matter how incredibly hard that is for me to comprehend. no matter how often he forgets it, himself.

at times i wanted to shout to him, "what are you doing? why won't you let go of your old ways, your bitterness & anger, your addictions & idols, your lies & deceptions and be more like the person you were made to be!?"

it is in my most honest and my humblest of moments i realize - that's probably exactly what God wants to say to me. the manifestations are vastly different, but our sins are the same.


"this year, or this month, or, more likely, this very day, we have failed to practise ourselves the kind of behaviour we expect from other people." [cs lewis]

:: resolve to be bolder ::

i'd love to say i'm resolving to blog more frequently (notably not the same as "more often"), but that would be a lie. i hope to do so, but i'm not resolving to do so. because i'm nothing if not realistic. nor do i care for "new year's resolutions." i've never quite "gotten" the whole new year's hoopla. don't know why, but it just doesn't excite me as much as it seems to everyone else. in fact, each time i type "happy new year" to someone in an email, i feel like a bit of a fraud. not because i don't truly wish that the new year is a happy one for the person, but because i wouldn't normally write that sentiment to someone, if i didn't just feel like it was what i'm supposed to be doing/saying.

so, yeah. i don't really do the new year's resolution thing. but this year might be a little different. i had a thought during church on sunday. the sermon was partly about our lives this year, if the world truly was to end on december 21, 2012. it made me think. i'm not one to have those "if i died today, what would i regret having done or not done" thoughts. if i died today, i'd be dead and in a place with no regrets. i'm just not one to think, "if i had 24 hours left to live, what would i do?" (yes, i would like to travel more. and i hope i will. but i know that when i die, i will not lament the places i did not go. because i will be in a far more glorious place.)

but here's the thing. i want that (eternal) peace for those i know and love (and even for those i don't know). if i happen to be sitting around on december 20 and the world is to end the next day i would want to look back over the year and know that something i said or did (or perhaps didn't say/do) or even that the way i lived my life helped someone know the Truth. to know the peace that surpasses all understanding.

so i resolve to be more intentional (notably not the same as "pushy") and say and/or do something that could be a light to someone each and every day. seems simple. seems like something i should already be doing. and perhaps for the most part i am/do. but i don't want to rely on "pretty much already doing." i want to be bolder than that.