:: canine's canine ::

i cannot stand loose teeth. once they're gone, no big deal - the bloody, gaping space left behind doesn't bother me at all. it's the dangly, wiggly tooth that grosses me out. my 7 year old nephew learned that well this past year, as he had many a wiggler that i would not let him show me. 

last night i got home from dinner and linville was acting funny - scrunching her face and licking the side of her mouth. i took a look and saw one of her canines hanging there - completely sideways. bloody and dangling. i shrieked before turning away. i know that puppies lose teeth and often just unwittingly swallow them, but this was clearly bothering her, sticking into the side of her mouth. i looked again. i cowered again. and then i went into what i can only assume was total "it's not about me, it's what's best for you" mom mode, got a rag, and pulled the tooth.

:: 7x70 ::

was teaching (1st-2nd graders) about forgiveness. 'cause, you know, i'm an expert on the subject and all.  (har.)

i'm always very open with my students when i don't know something or when we're talking about something that i struggle with.  i don't want them to get the idea that i (think i) am a Biblical scholar and/or have it all together.  last night i shared examples of ways and times i've struggled to forgive.  it's neat to see them start to open up, become more vulnerable and humble with their own faults and conflicts, when they see me doing it.  very much like some "big kids" i've known.

we read the story of the unforgiving servant.  we talked about forgiveness being a choice.  how resentment and grudges are like stones in our hearts (complete with a pebbles and plastic cup demonstration), just weighing us down and keeping us from being close to God and loving others as we should.  what was so touching was the questions.  i constantly pause and ask "does that make sense?" or "do you understand what that means?"  sometimes i get blank stares and nods, but last night, they were really present.  they said "yes" and nodded quite a bit, but a few times, someone would speak up and say, "well i don't understand how/why..."  amazing fuel for real dialogue and conversation.  they were very concerned with the fact that while the king forgave the servant's debt at first, after the servant was unmerciful, the king threw the servant in prison.  "he should have forgiven him again!"  apparently the 7x70 portion of the program had really sunk in. had a conversation about parables as illustrations.

and, as always, ben came through with a (n unintentionally) funny take-home for the evening:  when telling the story of the king collecting debts owed, i asked, "do you know what 'debt' is?"  he replied, "like barack obama...?"

"to be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you."  cs lewis

:: bags bags bags ::

went to grocery store since my sushi spot was closed.  didn't have reusable bags since hadn't planned on going shopping.  bagged own groceries...MY way and in only two plastic bags.  manager came over...

him:  terrible bagging job.
me:  hey now!  ha ha.
him:  bread with the milk!?  i'd fire that bagger.
me:  [thinking that there have been plenty of baggers at that store i wish he'd fired.  like the ones who put a bag of something in a bag.]  ha.  i forgot to bring my bags.  don't like using plastic.
him:  [talking about bread] want me to put that in a different  bag?
me:  [thinking no, because it's already in a bag.  it COMES in a bag.  and milk isn't going to ruin bread.]  no, thank you.
him:  [looking, cringing, at other bag] want me to double bag this?
me:  [no, dammit!]  no, thank you.  i'm good.  thank you. [leave me alone, thank you.]

pretty sure eating two heads of broccoli while your two lean cuisines are cooking at least partially cancels out the "lean" part.

**************

let's recap this dinner...

two heads of raw broccoli
one s'more with chocolate chip stuffed marshmallow
two lean cuisines
two glasses of milk

that's about 1264 calories

:: come on ::

earlier today i was talking to a friend about a friend.  i won't say his name, because if i do, i have to say his first and last name (we don't know why you do, but you do), and i don't want to embarrass him.  he's a confident guy, but bursting with humility.  he also shoots a sick 3 pointer.

and he has inspired me.  not because he traveled to 11 countries in 11 months, serving others and spreading the Gospel.  and not because he then returned to one of those countries and works tirelessly there to serve, love, and disciple the youth in his community.  i greatly admire and respect and love him for those things.

but he inspires me because he says things like "God will heal me" when he's really, seriously sick.  or "as soon as i get back to Kenya, God is going to send someone who likes that stuff" when talking about the budgeting and business-y stuff that takes up so much of his time, brainpower, and heart when he could be serving in other ways.

he doesn't say, "i hope that..." or "i think that God might..." or "i know God is able, but..."  it's not the slightly-dubious-yet-hopeful, maybe-one-day kind of "faith" i tend to have.  it's FAITH.  like, it's going to happen.  period.  God says and does and is.  end.of.story.

it's so inspiring.  i want to be like that.  all the time.

i won't say his name, but here's a link to his blog. highly recommend checking it out.
www.mattpatch.com

then head over to the 61project facebook page for updates on how God is moving in Kenya.  www.facebook.com/61project

end of story.

:: home sweet home ::

5 years ago this month i started the process of buying my little yellow house.  back then, i would drive around, looking at houses for sale (who am i kidding, i still do that!), but this was the first and only house i'd looked inside and really considered purchasing.  i was in the midst of the hardest and most rewarding period of my life.  mom was on the heels of her chemo and radiation treatments and i was spending most of my "free" time taking care of stuff at maunga & poppy's house.  on top of that, we had just discovered that one of the caregivers had been stealing from them (check fraud!) and i was working with the detective on that stressful situation.  i was in no place mentally and emotionally to buy a house.

but it happened.  despite the emotional breakdowns with my mortgage broker (who i didn't even know), my realtor, my realtor's sister, my banker...and pretty much anyone else who crossed my path in that time...it happened.

God absolutely and undoubtedly blessed me in that mess.

in the 5 years i've lived here, i've had 7 short-term roommates.  it moves me deeply to be able to provide a place to stay for someone - whether it's between homes before getting married, while visiting from another country, home-hopping while trying to figure out what comes next in life...the reasons have been as varied as the durations.

this week i've welcomed the 8th.

and the blessings continue.

:: notes from smalltown, sc ::

today we visited 92 year old maunga buck.  as many of you know, she is famous for asking, "julie, you ain't got no boyfriend, yet?" when she sees me.  (note that i have never gone by the name "julie.") 

last time i saw her, i actually did have a boyfriend and it was the one time in the past 10 or so years that she didn't ask.  well, today i turned to my sister and whispered, "she's gonna ask...wait for it..."

a minute later she pipes up, "juuulie, you ain't never gone get married, are you?  don't look that way."

kelley jumped in and said, "you don't want her to settle, do you?"  the look on her face was a bit like, "well, yeah, kind of." 

i just said, "i'm married to Jesus" and went back to talking to the delusional woman by the piano who thought she was going to be home by 6. 

(i hope that she isn't "home" by 6...they already had one death this week.  and that was maunga's roommate - whose husband, i believe, was the tv repairman in joanna when dad was growing up.) 

a little while later i was putting my hair up (because it was 108 degrees in there) and maunga said, "julie, what are you doing to your hair?"  i said that i was pulling it back because i was hot.  she said, "law, you need to run a comb through it. ha ha ha."  then, "i ain't never seen a head of hair like that." 

so.  um.  yeah. 

:: for my eyes only... ::

...and yours if you need it. 


this started out as a status update on facebook, but i decided to give it more permanence here...for me.  because i'll probably need this reminder sometime.  sometimes these things are for me, and sometimes they are for you.  but mostly they are for me.  and sometimes you.


this has been a rough week for me - physically and emotionally.  a broken toe, a sore mouth, a crappy situation with a friend, work stress...

but the hardest part, emotionally, has been struggling with the fact that my life is pretty stinking awesome and i feel bad ever feeling bad about the little things that go wrong.

so i canceled the pity party and took initiative to right the things i could right and give up trying to control things i have no control over.

it's amazing how quickly your attitude can adjust when you focus your heart in the right place.



oh, and also.  i am immensely grateful for the people who have been there for me through the crud this week.  the tough love, the gentle love, the True love.  thank you for not coming to the party.  :-)

:: stage fright and baby food ::

i hadn't wanted to move up to camp grace with my kiddos for only one reason:  stage fright.

i'd heard the teacher sometimes had to take part in the skits in big group and i really didn't want to have to do that.  i would get anxious just thinking about it.  i'd imagine having to stand in front of a room full of kids and a handful of adults and speak.  or "act."  or, Heaven forbid, sing.  i dreaded every image that came to mind.  but i love those kids to death (i'd been teaching since they were 2-3 years old) and i knew how absolutely selfish and unreasonable my worries were, so i  moved on up with my class.  (i figured i could always un-promote myself if it was just too, too much to bear.)

last night was my first night in the bear den.  we were in big group.  they told the kids to nominate one of their teachers to come up to the front to do...something.  my heart dropped.  "on the first night?  really?  ugh."

i am the only teacher in bear den, so (despite me trying in fake-jest (you know, pointing to the other person like you're kidding, but really, you're not) to get them to nominate the sweet lady who was jumping in, instead of me) it was unanimous; they chose me.

i went to the front of the room to play "musical spoons" - a musical chairs sort of game, but instead of moving from chair to chair, you pass a spoon around.  if the music stops while you're holding the spoon, you reach into a bag, pull out some food, and have to eat a spoonful of whatever you grabbed.  the first lady stuck with the spoon blindly chose a jar of turkey baby food.  she took the tiniest nibble and sat back down with her class.  a rule was made that the next time, someone else would serve the food, to make sure it was a healthy sized bite.

guess who was next.

as i was reaching in the bag, i said, "i hope there are some vegetarian options in there," (wondering, "do they make beef baby food?  it's going to be really awkward when i pull out some type of pureed beef and have to refuse to eat it.  oh, no, i hope it's not sweet potatoes."). i pulled out a jar of applesauce (whew!)  baby food and gladly ate my gigantic bite.

and learned that applesauce baby food is not the same thing as just good ol' apple sauce.

still, it wasn't too bad.

“In my distress I called to the Lord,
    and he answered me.
From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help,
    and you listened to my cry.
You hurled me into the depths,
    into the very heart of the seas,
    and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers
    swept over me.
I said, ‘I have been banished
    from your sight;
yet I will look again
    toward your holy temple.’
The engulfing waters threatened me,
    the deep surrounded me;
    seaweed was wrapped around my head.
To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
    the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But you, Lord my God,
    brought my life up from the pit.

“When my life was ebbing away,
    I remembered you, Lord,
and my prayer rose to you,
    to your holy temple.

“Those who cling to worthless idols
    turn away from God’s love for them.
But I, with shouts of grateful praise,
    will sacrifice to you.
What I have vowed I will make good.
    I will say, ‘Salvation comes from the Lord.’”
jonah 2: 1-9

:: i just want to float ::

today i thought...
       "i just want to float." 

i sent a text: "i wish we could go skydiving this evening.  i just want to float right now." 

but no could do. life must be done and there was no time (or budget) for that sort of thing. 

so i took a bath.  i couldn't think of anyone who has a heated indoor pool i could use to float my cares away in.  or on. 

and then i thought of a car ride.  thought that laying back in a seat, someone else driving, windows down...i thought that might be the kind of floating i needed.  but i ended up driving.  i wanted to. 

and then i went to a chinese buffet and had 4 plates of food.  definitely not weightless now.  

i feel better, but really,
         i just want to float. 

:: wash your spirit clean ::

keep close to nature's heart...and break clear away, once in awhile, and climb a mountain or spend a week in the woods. wash your spirit clean. [john muir]

:: a sweet update ::

a complete stranger just made me cry on the phone. in a great way.

i called to find out about a riding evaluation / lesson and got an unexpected update on my beloved first riding instructor, jennifer jones, who i have not seen or heard about in well over 15 years. miss jones visited bramblewood last summer, giving her seal of approval on the former foxcroft farms. she's 80 years old, just stopped riding, and is still living in the UK (since leaving the states to care for her mother many years ago). her bright blue eyes still sparkle.

i love that the stranger thought to tell me that.




update to an update:  that same stranger made me cry again.  with this.  i can't wait to be back at this place.  it sounds like, despite the many changes to the land over the years, the spirit at Foxcroft / Bramblewood is the same.  i'm looking forward to feeling that. 

:: long time gone ::

that's all, really.  been a long time.  miss you.  miss writing here.  life is good.  moments of quiet contemplation (and attractive alliteration), but not many moving the pen to paper.  life is moving. 

:: breach man's mind ::

classic. favorite.  frightening.  important.  beautifully so. 

“Everyone must leave something behind when he dies, my grandfather said.  A child or a book or a painting or a house or a wall built or a pair of shoes made. Or a garden planted. Something your hand touched some way so your soul has somewhere to go when you die, and when people look at that tree or that flower you planted, you're there.  

It doesn't matter what you do, he said, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away. The difference between the man who just cuts lawns and a real gardener is in the touching, he said. The lawn-cutter might just as well not have been there at all; the gardener will be there a lifetime.”

:: happy anniversary ::

11 years ago i graduated from college and started working full-time at mountain entertainment. i'd been working toward my career for four years before that - talent buying, stage managing, promoting artists and shows.

...back when "cutting and pasting" really meant "cutting and taping" (and xeroxing) to make event calendars. which i distributed via CPO boxes.

...back when band newsletters were postcards that came via snail mail. there were no eBlasts.

...back when radio would play (even break!) local & regional bands. and i was one station's Gig Gal.

i had heard scary things about the music business - about backstabbing and underhandedness. but i didn't see those things. or chose not to focus on them, perhaps. instead, i saw people taking me under their wings. sharing experiences, advice, wisdom. giving me opportunities. i was like the little sister of the industry and through all the ups and downs, it's been a true blessing to grow up in this crazy, dysfunctional, yet wonderfully passionate family.

it hasn't always been an easy road (not even close, at times!) but it's certainly been a blessed one. immensely grateful for the relationships, art, experiences and lessons God has given me throughout this career.

:: new media marketing thoughts ::

i don't really like to complain without having some sort of helpful feedback or solution for the issue i'm complaining about.  a few minutes ago, i was about to gripe about something on facebook and it occurred to me i could, instead, post some suggestions that might actually help some of the culprits who were inspiring the gripe.  

figured i'd post the update here, too, in case someone comes across this who's not a friend on fb.  feel free to leave a comment with feedback, questions, or..well...even complaints! 

some thoughts on new media marketing: not a fan of shortened links from twitter on my newsfeed. especially from a business and when linking to images/videos. you lose the visual of the image/video that you get when you post directly to facebook (plus, the shortened urls look spammy).

if you're a business that links twitter to facebook, be more selective with which tweets automatically update to fb. push copy-only tweets to fb but manually enter any posts containing images/videos/links. there is an app called "selective tweets" than can make this easier for you.

and never ever tweet something and then post it as a status (too) if you have your twitter/fb accounts linked. redundant back-to-back posts are a quick way to be hidden.

:: a children's story ::

a few years ago, i answered a call to teach in Children's Ministry on saturday nights.  i was placed in the Clown Fish class (2-3 year olds).  there were nights of utter chaos.  nights of being late to Big Group because of dirty diapers and potty training.  nights of a teacher learning about balance.  learning patience.  there were nights when i left feeling like i was nothing more than a babysitter with a well-thought-out lesson plan.  nights i questioned whether anything i read, anything i said, any craft i glued/stapled/stickered was sinking in. 

i doubted, I questioned, i worried. 

but i loved, laughed, danced, sang, and hugged, too.  a lot. 

so at the end of the year, i asked to be promoted with that crazy crew.  we moved on to Sea Turtles.  and then on to Kiwis. 

at times it felt those years were much of the same – only we were all just a year or two older and wiser.  but there was much, much more going on:  i watched the kids learn to write their names, to use scissors and the stapler, to peel and stick their own stickers.  (oh, the joy!)  i watched them come to know one another by name and to learn my name.  i found myself partnering with their parents in various areas.  community was forming right before our eyes. 

and now we are Blue Jays. 

now they can write more than just their names.  they can read.  they enthusiastically volunteer to read or recite the memory verse each week.   and they actually remember the passages now.  they ask questions.  they want to understand and want know more.  i am seeing them wrestle with and come to love the Word of God. 

admittedly, sometimes we're still late to Big Group, but not because of dirty diapers or potty training, like the old days.  now it's because the students themselves are reading the Bible story (which takes a little bit longer than when I do.)  or because we are wrapped up in a prayer circle, thanking God for the blessings in our lives or confessing our sins.  Children talking to God.  a good reason to be late.     

this past November, we were teaching a unit about the prophets.  one Saturday night, my group of five and six year olds were listening to me tell the story of Isaiah.  they heard me read,  

Then God said from heaven, “Who will take a message to the people?” And Isaiah, who had seen that God was the greatest Holy King said, “Here I am. Send me." It’s like he raised his hand and said, “God, please pick me.” [Isaiah 6:8]

i stopped speaking.  i silently re-read those words.  i've seen them many times before, but this time, there was a weight to them i'd never felt before. 

we've all been asked the same question.  we've all been called to take a message to the people.  and those of us in Grace’s Children’s Ministry have all raised our hands and said, "here i am.  send me." and have committed to taking The Message to the youngest of His people. 

and we can rest assured that it is, indeed, sinking in.

:: random thoughts ::

- i wonder if the aol man ever gets tired of saying "welcome, you've got mail." i always have mail. it's a given.

- it really bothers me that we call a bathroom meant for both genders "unisex" because to me, that sounds like it's only for one sex. bi-sex or omni-sex bathrooms would be much more fitting. (and when i say that it "really bothers me" i mean for years. to the point where i have sounded like i don't know what they're called because i will try to avoid calling them that in conversation. it really, really bugs me. and this is the week i've chosen to admit it.)

- earlier this week a girl told me i look like someone who would be on the bachelor. i'm still processing that.

- i get upset when i see/hear people saying that obama is a muslim who claims to be a christian. i hate to think how i would feel if people hatefully, repeatedly and ignorantly doubted my profession of belief in Christ.

:: that time of the year ::

the other day i was at the mall and passed one of those calendar selling kiosks. i walked right on by, though there was a tiny part of me, for a very brief instant, that wanted to stop and look around. i smiled to myself, thinking back to high school when i would visit one of those stands and pore over the options to pick out the perfect calendar for me. and usually one for my boyfriend for Christmas. the themes seemed endless back then and it's amazing to see that the calendar makers have somehow managed to come up with even more motifs than before. puppies and horses and other cute critters. books. music. movies. tv shows. vehicles. cities and historical landmarks. pop stars.

anyway, i didn't stop. the last thing i need is to shell out some bucks for a calendar that i will diligently fill with important dates...for the first few weeks of the year and then neglect for the remaining 49 weeks.

if you do happen to be a calendar person, though, here's a cute one i came across on the web a while back. love the concept and execution. would be a great promo item for conferences and networking and whatnot (if the cost wasn't so high - could be printed instead of letter pressed, i suppose).

shop.inkello.com

:: not impressed (safari) ::

i've been using safari for the past couple months (long story) and it feels very much (if not worse than) internet explorer back in the early aol days. terrible. how do they get away with this?

:: no excuses - except this one ::

i'm just going to use anti-sopa and anti-pipa as my reason for being slack here. so there.